Who Even Has Time to Grieve?

Earlier this week, my family experienced a major loss. The kind of loss that shifts everything. The kind that makes you realize that even the best laid plans are subject to change. The kind that makes you look at the past, the present, and the future differently. The kind that makes you realize life is too damn short.

But experiencing in a loss in 2026 — especially when you're a mom and card-carrying member of the sandwich generation who also happens to be juggling a career and many other responsibilities — doesn't just put into perspective how short life is. It also makes you realize how cluttered it is.

Over the past few days, I've been trying to find corners of time for my grief...and I'm weighing how much I can put off right now, and how much I have no choice but to tackle immediately.

Feeding my kids? Something that can't wait.

Emailing their teachers to let them know they may seem off in the next few days? Something that can't wait.

Making travel plans, which includes coordinating an emergency passport renewal and a Visa? Something that can't wait.

Finalizing some commitments I've made to to my kids' school? Things that can't wait, but can be delegated.

My work? Some if it can wait, but even for those things that can be put off, there are things that need to be set in place and people who need to be notified. When you're self-employed, it's not as simple as taking some PTO.

It's not just me. So many of us are experiencing this...and feeling like grief is something we have to schedule, rather than just...sit in. We can't control life, yet we're operating in a system that tells us we need to have everything under control. Speaking of that system, it's eye-opening to see how much of it doesn't account for the fact that sometimes, life is just...life-ing.

I am traveling to go be with my extended family, but my kids can't come with me; they're only allowed to miss a certain number of school days each year. I don't have to take PTO for my job, but most people do...and that doesn't account for the fact that life's emergencies don't always fit neatly into an allotted amount of time. And then there's all the other stuff: The need to go over my kids' schedule with my husband before leaving town. The need to coordinate his schedule so he can solo parent while I am gone. The need to field calls and texts and answer questions and respond to everything. It's a lot. And since this is the loss of an extended family member, not an immediate family member, I'm not even the one making the most crucial calls or feeling the most intense grief.

This whole experience is making me question why we are expected to live this way...and how hard it is to realize that many us can't even afford to grieve.