Zara Hanawalt
Stop whispering, start talking: sharp, sassy takes on life in a female body.
Oreo-Gate is About More Than Just a Kids' Lunchbox
Maybe it's a mom thing, but my algorithm has been full of Oreo-gate content this week. If yours hasn't, a quick breakdown: Oreo-gate refers to this mega-viral video series about a mom group chat. As the name suggests, Oreo cookies are at the center of the drama.
Essentially, the text exchange features a mom requesting that the fellow moms in her group chat stop sending their kids to school with Oreos in their lunchbox. Her own daughter, Ava, isn't allowed Oreos. According to the text exchange, Ava sometimes comes home crying because her friends have Oreos and she's not allowed to have this treat.
As a mom of elementary school kids, I get that it can be hard when your friends are around people who are allowed to do things they're not. As parents, it's tough to reiterate for our kids that we don't all have the same rules.
Unfortunately, this mom decided to take it in a different direction: She continued to harp on her friends for sending Oreos with their kids lunches, even though — last time I checked, at least — what somebody else (or somebody else's kid) eats is actually not something you can dictate.
In the Oreogate videos, the moms ask "why Oreos?" — they wonder why the mom is so insistent that her daughter avoid this specific treat. We never really get a clear answer.
And while most people on the internet are talking about what an absolute Karen the mom is being (which is fair, TBH), I think there's something else at work here. Because maybe it isn't all the mom's fault, even though yeah, she's likely going to pass some weird views about food down to her daughter.
But when we're navigating a world that puts messages about health and wellness and "toxic chemicals" and "junk food" and whatever other moralizing language we're using to describe food these days right in our faces...well, why are we surprised that this particular mom, (just like so many other moms, women, people across the country) has gone a bit off the deep end here?
Is it any wonder that someone is clearly fearful of Oreos when we live in a world with so much fearmongering around food?
Listen, this drama is kind of hilarious, especially because many of the moms involved in it are legitimately funny. I'd encourage you to watch the multi-part series. But also: It's worth thinking critically about what's going on here.
Yes, this mom is acting an absolute fool. But also...maybe we can look to the larger culture to gain a better understanding of why so many people have become so controlling and restrictive where food is concerned.
We Should All be Embracing Back to School Season
I haven't been in school since...well, it's been a while. When the end of summer rolls around for me these days, I'm focused on getting my kids ready for a new start.
But this year, I've decided to embrace the back-to-school season myself and I'm inviting you to do the same. At the end of the day, back-to-school season is just what it sounds like: A whole season. It's not just about the actual return to the academic year; it's about a fresh start, and I think we could all use that no matter how old we are (or how long it's been since we've set foot in a classroom).
The other obvious fresh start in the calendar comes at the beginning of the year...but on the heels of the holiday season and when it's freezing cold outside? Who really wants to commit to a fresh start then?
I've written here about why I tend to be anti New Years resolutions, and I've also written about how treating spring as the start of the new year might be a better option. Now, I have a new approach: What if we treated both the spring and the fall as our chances for minor reset? That way, instead of piling all the pressure on one time of year, we get to spread out of chances for newness.
Embracing back-to-school season can look any number of ways: We can implement a new system, we can clean out our homes, we can set a new goal...the beauty is, without the pressure of self improvement that looms over January 1, we get to make the rules for ourselves here.
Here's how I plan on embracing back-to-school season for myself:
Refreshing my meal containers. I'll be tossing anything that's completely worn and incorporating a few new finds (these look great, and I love the variety of sizes).
Implementing a midday walk. This summer, I've walked twice a day: First in the mornings, and then while my husband is putting our kids to bed. But as the days get shorter and it gets dark earlier, I'm putting a new routine in place. Having an intentional start to this new routine isn't totally necessary, but I'm excited to see how a midday walk works with my schedule.
Treating myself to some easy fall staples. You know I live for a matching set, and this long sleeved version is perfect for cooler temps, while this sweatshirt paired with these shorts gives Princess Diana vibes.
Embracing the notebook. ...Or at least trying to. I took on a new volunteer role at my kids' school and want to try physically writing down things I need to remember in a notebook. We'll see how long it lasts, but eventually, I'd love to go back to being a physical planner/notebook person.
Finally donating the pile of items that's accumulating in my house. Can someone hold me to this? Please?
Zara Larsson Drops the Workout Routine — and a Major Reality Check
Zara Larsson and I may share a first name, but we definitely do not share the same physique. Because guess what? No two bodies are the same.
As an international pop star, Larsson obviously lives a very different life than I, a 30-something suburban work-from-home mom, live, and that explains part of why I do not have her abs — not even close. But recently, a lot of people have been wondering what the star's secret is. Specifically, they want her to drop the workout routine.
And she did. But more importantly, she dropped some important context.
"Let's talk about the workout routine," she says in a viral TikTok. "So I just found that I've done 116 shows, 117 tomorrow, over the past year...I was like 'damn, that's a lot'...That's more than enough for me...I don't want to go to the gym."
She's right: Stage performances are hard, physical work. Dancing, working the stage...it takes a lot of energy, strength, and stamina, and undoubtedly plays a role in why the popstar looks so fit. But also...
"Half of it, if not more, is genetics. I'm sorry, like it is what it is...it's kind of useless to compare yourself to other people," she adds. "Because what really matters is how you feel in your body. Do you feel strong? Do you feel capable? Do you feel like you are living your best life?"
Can we get an amen? This is the message we need to hear — especially right now, as certain body types are being glorified and equated with discipline. In reality, we can all do the same thing and eat the same way and look completely different. That's actually a beautiful thing, and when we fall into the comparison game, we lose sight of that.
So let's hear it for Zara Larsson, for delivering the real talk we need. Bodies are different. That's the whole point.
And yeah, we can ask for the workout routine, because clearly whatever she's doing is making her feel strong and hot and giving her the ability to have fun...just as long as it doesn't become about comparison.
Ask Clara:
"What role do genetics play in body type?"
I'm Happily Married and I Hate the "Divorce is Not an Option" Rhetoric
There's something about tradwife-adjacent content that feels strangely addictive. I come across posts in the vein all the time, and I can't seem to just scroll away from them. Not only that, I always find myself fighting the urge to comment, which I know will only increase their engagement. Ragebait, however infuriating it may be, is actually a pretty effective path to virality.
The thing about tradwife content in particular is that it both clearly fits the ragebait category, but it contains just enough seductive imagery and language to make it both get under people's skin and also shift cultural expectations and ideas. And while much has been made of the glorification of financial dependence, I think there's another piece we need to discuss.
"Divorce isn't an option"
"We don't use the 'D' word"
"'Till death do us part, not divorce do us part"
This sort of rhetoric is all over social media, and I think we need to talk about the deeper implications of it. Not just because the women who are making videos to spread this message are approaching their own marriages with this attitude, but also because they're just perpetuating the stigmatization of divorce.
Ending a marriage can be heartbreaking, but it's never a failure. For some women, getting out of the wrong marriage can be the jumpstart they need to reclaim their lives. Sometimes it can literally save their lives.
It's not enough to address the real barriers that prohibit them from leaving: Like the fact that they may not have the financial ability to do so, or that they may lack support, or that they may fear for their safety when trying to leave. It's also about this cultural narrative that tells us that divorce is something that is off limits for "good" women who had the "good sense" to make "good decisions" about who they married.
And this rhetoric isn't just going to shift a culture. It has the power to keep real women in unsafe, unhealthy, unfulfilling, or even dangerous situations.
Ask Clara:
"Is divorce a failure?"
You Can't 'Have it All', But the AOC Discourse is Not It
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is freezing her eggs and this feels like a really big deal. Not because she’s the first public figure to share that she’s doing this because of course she’s not.
What feels so different about Ocasio-Cortez’s egg freezing journey is how she’s letting us in: It feels like the type of vlog-style content we would have seen years ago, the kind we rarely see anymore in the era of polished brand partnership.
Of course, she’s not an influencer; she’s a politician, and by letting us see into such a personal experience this way, she’s proving why she’s a whole different type of politician, one who has a completely different relationship with the public than what we typically see.
Maybe that’s why people feel so compelled to weigh in on what she’s doing (oh, who are we kidding? People would weigh in no matter what).
Specifically, a lot of people are weighing in on the notion of “having it all”. They’re arguing that the #girlboss era convinced women they could put off having children, opting instead to focus on their careers. And you know what? There’s a nugget of truth here. We were raised to believe we could have it all. We were told that egg freezing was an insurance policy. We are now seeing many women who spent loads of money on the technology, only to find it’s not at all a guarantee (though perhaps this is being overstated right now, as Ocasio-Cortez points out.)
Yes, egg freezing isn’t the right option for everyone. It’s worth noting that the congresswoman acknowledges this: She talks openly about how this would not have been a possibility for her years ago, when she was the age many women are when they’re told they ought to freeze their eggs.
But this can still be a wonderful option for so many people — and ultimately, this woman, just like every other woman, has to figure out the path that is best for her.
That’s what Ocasio-Cortez is doing. She’s not only doing the thing that feels right for her, she’s taking us all along, giving us all the context, sharing a layered look at the whole process…and yes, becoming fodder for conversation about the notion of having it all in the process.
And while I don’t think you actually can "have it all", I know that this is exactly the type of content that helps women realize what pieces of the puzzle are actually right for them.
Ask Clara:
"How successful is egg freezing?"
Taylor Lautner Has the Perfect Reframe on 'Getting Your Body Back' After Pregnancy
As a millennial woman who grew up in the era of magazine covers featuring freshly postpartum celebrities to glorify the "bounce back", I've never liked the idea of "getting your body back" after giving birth.
The postpartum period is already heavy and hard enough — why are we putting this additional pressure on women to look as though they haven't done this incredible thing? Why are we asking them to bounce back, when what they've actually done has propelled them forward?
But strangely, going through pregnancy myself made me a little bit more understanding of what pregnant women truly mean when they say they want to "get their bodies back" — because when the outside world puts this pressure on women, it's entirely about how they look. When women view their own bodies in this way, I think it's often more about how they feel in their bodies.
Taylor Lautner (who is married to actor Taylor Lautner, yes it's very cute that they share a name), who is expecting her first baby, recently spoke up about what it truly means to want to get your body back on her podcast, The Squeeze, and it's an important reframe.
"When we say that [we want to get our bodies back], I don't think people actually understand, it's actually so much deeper than just going back to the pre-pregnancy weight or the pre-pregnancy body," says Lautner. "It's being able to fit in your shoes again because your feet are little puff pastries and they're so swollen and they can't fit in your shoes...You're just covered in these purple stretch marks and you're like 'whose body am I even looking at right now'?".
I'll admit it: When I heard the first part of this clip, I was prepared to disagree. But as I kept listening? I think she's onto something.
I remember looking at my body in the mirror after I gave birth and audibly gasping. The discoloration on my stomach, the swelling of my uterus, the stretch marks...I just remember literally not recognizing my reflection. So much of "getting your body back" is really about feeling at home in it again. Feeling like your body only belongs to you...unfortunately, that's a feeling that lingers in early motherhood, at least in my experience.
But I get what this expectant mom is saying. She doesn't just want to look a certain way again. She wants to move her body freely. To go on walks without feeling completely winded. To flop into bed and not think about the safe and unsafe ways to position herself to keep the baby safe. To not feel at the mercy of those pregnancy hormones and what they do to your mood.
We ought to give pregnant women space to express this — because maybe the real bounce back is about returning to a body that feels familiar.
Ask Clara:
"What is bounce back culture?"
Hayden Panettiere's Postapartum Honesty Will be Her Legacy
Hayden Panettiere was only 36 years old. She was a mother to a young child. She seemed poised for a comeback.
And now, she's gone. The actress died on August 16.
When I heard the news, I immediately thought of the star's family, especially her daughter.
Shortly after that, I thought of her memoir, which was just released a few months before her death. In This is Me: A Reckoning, the actress details her life as a public figure, a mother, and a woman who dealt with serious, often heavily stigmatized health issues. Most notably, she opened up in a whole new way about her experience with postpartum depression.
It's an experience she tried to give voice to for so long, only to be routinely shut down and silenced. She lost opportunities for refusing to stay silent. She revealed how scary the experience was, the dark places it led her to, and the fact that she had no idea what she was experiencing.
And I imagine the reason she was so open about her story was to help other women who felt similarly lost, confused, and scared.
As a journalist who has spent the past 12 years writing about maternal issues, I know how much of an impact celebrities can truly make when they talk about these experiences. I also know that this young woman was one of the most influential voices around postpartum depression in particular.
To her family, Panettiere's legacy will be about who she was to them, a person the majority of never got to know personally. But to the public? I believe her legacy will lie in her honesty. Her bravery. Her refusal to stay silent.
It mattered then. It still matters now. And it will continue to matter.
Is 'House of Stassi' Reality TV's Most Unfiltered Look at Motherhood?
I’ve never watched Vanderpump Rules, so I don’t know the full range of Stassi Schroeder’s lore. Yet even without all the context, I’m watching her new show, House of Stassi…and I’m kind of hooked.
When people talk about what makes this show feel different, they often reference the frequent fourth-wall-breaking that happens. For me, though? What I’m really struck by is how honest, sometimes brutally so, this show gets about motherhood. Specifically, what it does to your marriage, your friendships, your ambition, your view of herself, and so much more.
Schroeder and her husband are clearly feeling some strain in their marriage, especially as they work to figure out what roles they each play in their family. And they're not making any effort to hide this: Schroeder is on a wild ride of professional success; her husband is a stay-at-home dad who wants to return to paid work, yet Schroeder wants him to remain at home since his contributions enable her to do what she does for their family.
It’s such a testament to how nothing works without unpaid labor, yet it begs the question: Why do we have to see a man taking on this unpaid labor — the type of labor that is typically shouldered by women — to have this experience highlighted in this way?
But it’s not just that this couple does things in a nontraditional way, with the woman out in the world making the money and letting her ambition run wild, and the man holding it down and home and wondering if his identity has vanished. It’s also about how this show really hones in how parenthood can rock other parts of your world…like your friendships.
Both Schroeder and her husband have lost touch with close friends, and when they hash out this distance, they both call out the fact that it just felt like their friends couldn’t understand their new realities as busy parents. And you know what? There’s something to this. Your friendships can take a hit when one of you becomes a parent and the other doesn’t.
Watching this show, I don’t always agree with Schroeder. But here’s what I will give her: She’s honest. She isn’t holding back. She showed the camera the truth, even the ugliest parts of it…even the parts that may lead people to call her selfish or controlling…or yes, unmaternal.
Ask Clara:
"What happens to ambition after motherhood?"
People Have a Problem With Anne Hathaway's Baby Bump Because of Course They Do
When Anne Hathaway dropped her pregnancy reveal, the story quickly became about the expectant mom's age. And okay, fair — at 43, Hathaway's ability to get pregnant is noteworthy.
But the conversation has taken a turn away from the science of getting pregnant in your 40s to the way Hathaway's body looks, and the way she is choosing to dress it.
Hathaway appeared on the red carpet at the premiere of The End of Oak Street and opened up about how different her current pregnancy feels as compared to the two she carried in her 30s. All anyone could focus on, though, was the fact that she (gasp!) dared to reveal a bit of her bare belly. A clip of the actress appears on People's Instagram, and the comments are not it.
"We don’t need to see the bare bump with the belly button bulge!!," one commenter wrote. Another added: "It can’t be just me……….why do we all have to be subjected to this? Your body…… your privacy. Exercise your rights to it.?
Other photos of Hathaway from the same event are eliciting similar comments.
To be clear, I think Hathaway looks amazing. The jeans and the cropped-yet-still-drapey top? I mean, chic AF, especially with the ponytail and the red lip to finish off the look. And honestly, when I look back at my own pregnancy? I actually really regret not freeing the bump and wearing outfits that let that cute belly see the light of day. It feels like a celebration or pregnancy, and I love that.
Of course, baring the belly isn't for everyone and that's okay. But clearly, Hathaway is on board with it, and that's all that matters. Her baby bump, her business.
But of course, people are also speculating that it...isn't her baby bump. They're even trying to claim the belly is fake. Hathaway even addressed this, posting a video with the caption "fake hair, real bump" on her own page.
To that, someone commented: "Y'all really have her saying 'fake hair, real bump' like her uterus owed us receipts ? the same internet that clutches pearls over 'fake pregnancies' is the same one that calls real infertility 'attention seeking.' Pick a struggle."
MIC DROP.
Ask Clara:
"What is advanced maternal age?"
Lindsay Clancy, Latarsha Sanders, and Why the Public is so Riveted by One of These Cases (and Not the Other)
It seems like everybody is talking about the Lindsay Clancy case, with so many women absolutely glued to the coverage. Of course, this is an incredibly layered story that touches on so many things, like the broken state of postpartum care in the United States. It makes sense that so many women, mothers in particular, are riveted by the unfolding of it all.
But for me — and, I imagine, so many other women of color — the fascination feels especially unsurprising. Clancy is, after all, a nice white woman from a nice suburb. So many other white women, especially affluent white mothers, see themselves in her, and they've said as much.
Right now, my feeds are absolutely full of people talking about how they see pieces of their own stories in Clancy's. How all the commentary about how Clancy appeared, by all accounts, to be a capable, high-functioning, attentive mother. She seemed okay. But here's what I notice: All the women posting these takes are also white women.
I don't think women of color, especially Black women, have the luxury of admitting they see themselves in Clancy's story because it takes so little for someone to discredit women of color — in the workplace, in society, and yes, in motherhood. And women of color know that if someone who looked like them were the one on trial, there wouldn't have been even a fraction of this media attention.
Case in point: Latarsha Sanders, a Black woman who was also charged in the deaths of her two children. A retrial was just issued in this case, as evidence of Sanders's medical records, which showed a history of mental illness, were not considered as evidence. What's amazing is how little public attention this case drew — and how neither the public not the justice system saw fit to humanize Sanders the way did Clancy. To consider that a mother like this could not have possibly been responsible for something so dark.
This is not me saying we should not pay attention to Clancy's trial. I believe this case has the power to actually bring about some change in the way we treat postpartum mothers. But it all begs the question...why did we suddenly start to take this seriously with Clancy's case? I think we all know the answer here...even though it's uncomfortable to admit.