The Double Standards of Parenting and Domestic Labor are so Real

As a journalist who covers women's health and parenting, I am very, very well aware of how deeply rooted the double standards between men and women in our society are. They're everywhere, of course, from the dating world to the workforce and beyond. Today, I'm reflecting on how they show up in the home,

But first, a little background: My husband travels pretty frequently for work, which means I hold it down at home while he's gone. I take care of our two kids, I cook meals, I clean up, I make lunches, I facilitate homework, I maintain the activity schedule, and I continue working on my career while he's gone. And I do it largely alone (for context, my kids are in elementary school). I'm not saying this to boast about how I ~do it all~ (I don't!); it's just the reality of our situation.

This week, I had planned to leave town to be there for my family during an emergency. Before I left, the requests to help my husband started pouring in: People were offering up meals, rides for our kids, babysitting, and more. I even had multiple relatives offer to fly across the country to come help care for our kids.

Do I appreciate all the offers of support? Absolutely! We are blessed to have people who want to help prop up my family during hard times.

But I also can't help but notice how different the reactions are when I am the one at home holding down the fort. When I parent alone for days at a time, nobody seems to wonder how the meals will get cooked, or how the kids will get where they need to be, or how I'll manage to care for them while working. Yet when my husband — a very, very capable father (who honestly might be better than I am in the kitchen these days) — is left to manage things at home? People seem to suddenly feel it's too much to take on.

My point here isn't that we should support men less, or stop offering to help families through challenging times. It's that we ought to think about how different the expectations are of women, and how much women are expected to do without offers of support or help.